Monotony

Life is tricky. I actually don't know why Im on here. Many people have told me that I bottle things up inside and that I need to share things and be more open. Who knows if blogging is for me. It is worth a shot. Who knows, maybe this will turn into a new hobby or a way to journal. Im not here to please anyone. This is only used as a form of outlet to be raw and real without any other influences. Maybe even along this journey what is written will help other people or bring a new perspective to something someone can relate to.

I'm at a place in my life where I am bored out of my mind. I am a person that needs change but am afraid of change at the same time. There was a quote I once read that has really stuck with me and since I can't find the exact wording it goes something like, "If there is not enough change then Im bored, but if theres to much change Im a nervous wreck." I find that the key to life is many times balance. I too either am bored or overwhelmed if there is not the right balance of change in my life.

The biggest hurtle lately has been my job. I mean I have many reasons to love my job and I appreciate it and everything, but I am so bored. The weird thing is I have been trying for years to get a new job or be promoted within the company I currently work for, but its to no avail. So many times I have "given up" however, giving up will not work because it leaves me still stuck in my current situation. Im not moving forward or backward in my career I'm just existing. It feels wrong in so many ways but I also enjoy so many things about it-while my heart cries, longing for more. Theres got to be more out there.

The hunt for a new job has been draining. Often times, the search  has lead to complete failure. Even attempts at other jobs have fallen apart and been disastrous. I often ask myself what else can I do, and I come back to either staying where I'm at or continuing the job application process-which I despise with a passion. It all seems like a waist of time. I could puke just thinking about another dumb application and answering the same dull, tedious, monotonous questions over and over again. Where did you work, how long, what pay, why do you want to leave current position, etc....Come on! Someone just hire me for a my "perfect next step in life" job.